I think I invest myself too much in things.
Marian Call had a concert on the 11th of September in Vancouver, and I told Qui about it. Qui is Jacqueline, one of the girls I've liked. When I went to the Marian Call concert in Sacramento, it was just phenomenal, it was the best concert I've ever been to, and Marian herself was such a nice person that the experience ended up being unbelievable. Her concert in Vancouver was free, a 5-10 dollar donation if you could afford it, but it was Marian's concert, and everyone should listen and attend a concert if humanly possible because it is just that good and Marian should have all the recognition and accolades/praise she deserves for that much effort.
Qui decided not to go. At first when I told her about it she said she couldn't really afford a concert, but said "she'd see" when I told her about the details. It bothered, and still bothers me about it. That she'd decide that she'd rather play an online game than go to a concert and meet such a wonderful individual. I feel hurt that such a strong recommendation and outright plea was ignored. I have some mixed feelings now about where I stand and how much I matter, in the end, but that's for another post.
This got me thinking about how much I've invested myself into people, and even how integrated technology has become part of my life. I have strong friends from the internet, most of which I call and talk to even if I don't see them regularly. I text a lot, far more than I have a year or two ago, keeping in contact with them. On Twitter, I've come to be able to talk with people like Marian Call and Megan Lynch, IFightDragons and Odin Smith, people that I listen to their music and come to know on a personal level and who I want to see nothing but the best. People who I want continual success and fame, people who should be known for their work and who should be praised for it. Actors that I push and look for, because every single one of them is wonderful and kind. People like Greg Benson, Sean Becker, Higlet that put their all into their work and do it for the best reason of loving what they do. I want them to be successful, and I recommend them and show their work to others no matter what kind of remarks of looks I get for it. I want everyone I know to be successful and I do my best to help in any way and shape that I can. I guess it's disheartening when I try hard for it and people don't believe in me.
I hope that this post means I have a good heart, and I'm trying to help others because I can, but really, what I feel now is just disappointed. Marian Call's song, 'Vanilla', came on, and the lyrics "I love people and I want them to love me" pretty much captures this.
I'm tired. Next blog may be that I'm a whackjob who can't get over relationships that never materialized and that I feel too familiar with people I know from the internet and I follow on Twitter.
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